March 12, 2016
The hour draws near. Now is the time for us to suite up with our Armour of God that we have been crafting our entire lives. We are under attack and require ever able body to protect life or we will lose it.
All of my assertions have proven their validity. Everything that I have expected to come to pass within this mental institution has rung true. The hand of the collective arrogance and ignorance spits in my face and refuses to listen. They play games in attempts to get my voice to crack, yet they ignore the voice of my pen and website. Their own conditioned understanding as how a person should be closes their eyes to a creature like myself. Their hearts are cold and their judgements cruel.
The last time I was in a place like this, no one would listen to my words. My voice would be cut off right when they believed that they had accumulated enough information. This caused them to twist my words. So this time I am mute. But my voice is my pen and my website. But they ignore both. Their ears are as closed as their hearts.
On Friday I turned myself in. They took me to the emergency psychiatric department. Here they allowed my possession of my pen and paper for communication. Locked within a small communal area, they gave me no room. I was extremely tired and was given no place to lay down my head. After many hours of sleeping on the bare floor in the hallway, they placed me in a room. They advised me to not close the door as I would then be locked in.
I closed the door and they opened it. I kept locking myself in until they gave up. In the night a doctor came and promised me half an hour of his undivided attention. After about five minutes of listening to an article of mine he exposed himself as the liar that he was. He had no room in his systems for me. I shut down and he lost the communication of his patient. He was not interested in my website nor me, but only what he thought that I should be.
After a night locked in my room, the morning came and a psychiatrist brought me into a meeting room. He attempted to force me to speak. He was not interested in communicating via writing. He was not interested in my website. He followed the ridiculous protocol of questioning: "Are you physically well?", "Do you hear voices or see things that are not there?", "Do you do drugs?", etc... After it became obvious that he would not listen, I wrote on some paper, "You are ignorant. nesmith.net" and placed and origami black swan on the paper in his lap and walked out. Shortly after, they forced me into a wheel chair and loaded me up into a white van headed for a more permanent holding facility.
Now was the time for them to bring out their guns. They stripped me of all my belongings including my pen and paper, that is my ability to communicate. Their systems could not cope with alternative methods of communication so they used their collective oppression in attempts to break me into speech. But there is no choice as my decision was final. Instead they provide me with nothing and wait until I came to them with my needs, but I need nothing and they will never hear my voice treating me like this.
Tonight they attempted to get me to take medicine that remained nameless. I refused so they employed five heavy built guys to hold me down and shoot their drug into my backside, even though my body was not resisting. Before the shot they heard my voice for the first time as I prayed, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." As they take their leave, the world goes hazy and I cry.
The days pass and I lose sight of time. I believe it to either be Sunday or Monday. Over time I have acquired back a few of my belongings. Today a group of five people with my allocated psychiatrist took me into a meeting room. I handed over a letter that I had written specifically for them. They passed it around, not reading it but only glancing at it with arrogance in their hearts. After ten seconds I am handed back the two page letter that I handed them. They then told me that I needed to vocally speak or they would leave. I put down my paper and pen and got comfortable in my chair insinuating that I would do no such thing. That was the end of my first appointment that lasted no longer than one minute. Ten minutes later a nurse came out to tell me that I would be here until I talked to them with my voice. I wrote, "Then I will be here forever". She said, "But don't you want to go home?" and I naturally replied, "I have no home".
And now even though they have given me back my pen and paper, they ignore me. Hitler's orders to ignore my written communication entirely isolated me. My requests for basic necessities such as a tooth brush and tooth paste were ignored. My humanity is entirely ignored without my voice backing up my words. My hygiene deteriorates and they would make note of this in my file. But they were the ones who refused to provide me with the equipment to maintain it. Does a voice make a human? Is the vibration of vocal chords true value?
I will not compromise myself and thus will not put down my pen. Today I started a hunger strike. As expected they do not care. To them I am only expressing a temporal mind set. They believe that collective oppression will crack me. They obviously do not know me. May God be with me for the next seven days. Those are always the hardest to get through when fasting. May God fill my stomach with His spirit. May the follies of our systems be exposed for what they are. Let my suffering act as a 'South Park' episode that shines light on our own stupidity. My Lord! Help my sufferings to not be in vain.
I am on my sixth day of fasting. I am weak and have no motivation to do anything. My spirit has filled my stomach thus far and my appetite has been on my side. I refuse taking the mystery medicine that they force upon me, so night after night I am taken into my room by four or five people. Time and time again they hold down my limp body and inject a buttock with their evil serum that makes me feel horrible.
I have just recently obtained my pen again. The first day of Doctor Moore's regime was to advise all the staff to ignore my writing. This caused all requests for basic necessities to be ignored. I have just recently obtained a tooth brush and tooth paste. The second day my pen was taken away from me. As a result I could not write nor communicate with the staff. The third day my Kindle and MP3 player was taken away from me so that I could not study nor listen to music. Each attempt at subjugation reinforced my understanding that what I am doing is just.
From time to time I do give my voice, but not to the treating team. There are some people who have a heart who are on my side, but the systems place the doctors as the tyrants. But the doctor will not listen to his lackeys. Their drugs not only knock me out but cause discord with my conscious awareness. In addition, these drugs are meant to be taken on a full stomach. But I have found out all too well that these people do not care about my well-being. I am a beautiful person who displays absolutely no psychotic symptoms, but they still drug me. Not a single doctor has communicated with me, yet they still drug me.
They play with people's minds. Time and time again they tell me that they are going to discharge me but this never happens. The lukewarm shower causes me to shiver. Time and time again I request another doctor and/or a second opinion, but each verbal or written request is ignored.
I try my best to keep my sugar levels up but my body desires sustenance. I am unsure if or when I will be able to continue this diary as my body is coping by shutting down. To be a just person I must die on my cross.
This will only be a quick entry. A few more traumatic injections have been and gone. I just finished my hunger strike of seven days. God made me aware that it was time to stop. My tribunal will commence shortly. I have no hopes there though as I am told patients do not win that. I will write more after the tribunal. May God have mercy on my soul.
Oh my powerful and mighty God! The black swan has been recognised for its colour! The pieces of my life fell together in front of the board and I was powerful. The light was shined on the absurdity of the proposed treatment, which wanted to oppress my body and mind for at least six months. Every reason for the treatment was discussed and debunked right before my eyes.
I not only shined as the divine being that I am, but also touched the souls of the board members. In addition, the boards psychiatrist was versed with the works of my predecessor, Soren Kierkegaard. Today it appears that God might have opened the doors for the rest of my life. They understood everything and I walked out the doors a free man with a clean bill of health who is voluntarily being treated in attempts to carefully be integrated back into society. Every future action will be entirely on my own terms and no longer will I have to worry about drugs being forced upon me. The inhumane shots are a thing of the past and I now possess medical evidence to prove not only my sanity, but also my spirit and intelligence to fight and win against collective oppression. Praise God!
I should of never counted my chickens before they hatched. This morning Doctor Moore took me in a meeting room to only arrogantly tell me, "You are being discharged". This was not the treatment that was discussed in the tribunal. We discussed volunteer time in the ward while I am carefully integrated into the community. But since he was my psychiatrist, he could do anything that he wanted. And he was obviously upset about losing the tribunal against me. For the last time I asked for a second opinion which was yet again rejected. I needed to stay until social constructs on the outside world were put in place! I turned myself in for a reason and not only to incur additional trauma to my psychology. I refused to leave and repeatedly requested for them to call the psychiatrist who was on the tribunal board. A few times I caught them in their lies as they said they did call him, but I could see right through them and this was proven when they changed their story to, "we cannot contact him". So they called the massive wards men that usually were the ones holding me down while I was injected to escort me out of the building. I exited but refused to move from the entrance.
They were attempting to relocate me to a boarding house for crisis accommodation. But this is not at all adequate. I am a gentle and loving person but I get ran all over by the sorts of people who reside there. I have been through this procedure before and it has always turned out terribly. There "help" was no help whatsoever but only passing the buck to another to again attempt to force me into the low class of society. Eventually they called security in attempts to force me into the van, but I know all to well the limited rights of security officers and stood my ground. They then called the police. The police then advised me that I could not stay there. Even though it was a public place, since the hospital did not want me there then I was required to leave. So I picked up my bag and started walking. An eight hour walk back to the city and then the university library.
Yet another traumatic experience to attach to my consciousness... And all of this occurred within the most advanced psychiatric facility in Australia, located in Canberra: the country's capital.
Why does our systems not show care or particularity to the people within them? They spit on every human right. They require complete submission to them or drastic consequences will incur. Ethics is thrown out the window and collective oppression is instated as God. Those who deviate from those in power are harshly punished.
How are we to ever develop as a species with these conditions in place? The wrath of our oppressors is mighty. You are likely sitting comfortably within your lifestyle while reading this, but right in front of you situations all over the world similar to this occur. You turn a blind eye to these happenings. You have been indoctrinated into adhering to the tyrant of society but somehow you claim to live in a "free" nation. You develop a sense of pride in your country despite it controlling your every movement. You allow things like this to happen right in front of you. It is likely that you are now thinking that one person can not make a difference, but if you do not stand up to these injustices then no one will.
The reason why things are the way they are is because of you. These systems are your own fault because you lack the courage to stand up and actually make a meaningful life for yourself. You submit yourself to these oppressive and destructive systems and claim that nothing can be done about them. You encourage these systems along by partaking in them through your immersion in the capitalistic framework. You learn to interact in destructive ways by valuing your lifestyle above human flourishing. You blindly accept social axioms without questioning their validity. You take your mystery pill that is handed to you.
Do you want to know how to save your soul? Stand up and fight. Accept your fate whether it be good or bad. Do not sit idly while our world is in such a poor state. Become the best person that you can be by learning the details of our oppressors and striking the systems in the best manner that you know how. Accept your calling by changing the world, one human at a time. And when you become the best you can be you also encourage all those around you to follow suit. Shine like the star you are and accept all punishment that results. This is not a one time deal. This is your life. Make your life make the world.